The Latest Straight Outta' Denver

A name (you’re a timely one) by Darth B'strad
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Ecclesiastes series- Part four: Chapters six and seven, Seek first the kingdom by Darth B'strad
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A feeling (Where does this come from?) by Darth B'strad
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A kingdom (For the eternity He has given) by Darth B'strad
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Ecclesiastes series- part three: Chapters four an Five, giving it all to God in prayer by Darth B'strad
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Ecclesiastes series- part two: Chapters two and three, accepting the role God gives us. by Darth B'strad
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A Curse (What Dreams have wrought) by Darth B'strad
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Ecclesiastes series- Part one: Introduction and chapter one by Darth B'strad
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Make love and get war by Darth B'strad
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Ethics Class (maybe I should be ethical, sometimes) by Dark Poet
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A name (you’re a timely one)

Posted on June 27th, 2009 by Darth B'strad.
Categories: Poetry.

How can I explain the things that just keep hounding me?
How can I tell you of things that I don’t understand?
It’s just a certain name– that keeps coming up at the right time–
shocking me every time it does– just by it’s nature and timing.
As soon as I make a decision– it pops up
making me reconsider– making me second guess myself.
such foolish things– why do they plague me?
Why do you keep me in the dark this way–
you light a lamp for me– and I follow it.
you bless me greatly here– but you don’t reveil your will to me.
I keep in a certain path not knowing were it goes–
yet you allow me to suffer with these pains.
Let me know my sins to you and I will repent.
For I bring you my broken spirit– hoping you’ll fix it.
I ask for you to guide me– and you give me a dim lamp.
So what more can I do– but to move towards it,
but it’s not an easy path, it hurts the more I try.
One day it sounds like progress, the next it backtracks–
couldn’t you hear me? You foolish girl!
I can only hope that things will be diffrent with her–
and pray that it will change.
But she has no part in this loop–
she doesn’t bare that name.

Is there any reason why this name keeps following me?
Or am I really looking hard for it?
I just saw it there one day– for some reason I thought it was so cool
I couldn’t tell you why– it just did!
So it shocked me to see it again today– or now yesterday.
It just has an endless way of following me,
comes up at strange times!
if I didin’t know any better– I’d say you’re toying with me
But I push that thought aside– for I know that you have a plan–
for everything under the sun.
For what they think is meaningless–
it’s just because they don’t know you.
They think I’m just looking hard to make something happen,
but they don’t understand– I’m waiting for you to move me.
And I won’t move one bit until you do move me!
You give me my tasks of the day,
and I do them because I love you–
I want to serve you!
But as I’m learning– I should keep my mouth shut on such things–
because they don’t hear me!
They think they can just solve this for me!
But I’ve been trying to “solve” this for years now
and I haven’t gotten any closer to these answers.
So now I wait– for you are the only one who can change this–
only you can change the heart of another–
so change my heart!
Let them keep putting their answers about–
if I heard you right– none of their options will work–
and if it does then I’ll just know they were right!

Bring about your will!
If you need to keep lighting dim lamps to me–
then I’ll just keep following–
but if it will serve you better– then please–
light up the room to me!
Can I really serve you best with this constant pain–
if it will then I learn to live with it.
But I’ll keep asking for a way out of it,
for I wish to live my life with that joy I seek!
Even if it is going to hurt more in the long run–
I know that will help me give my life more fully to you.
For with that pain gone– I can see more clearly your love for me,
be it only a small reflection but still from you no less.
yet only one more step in a life I wish to live–
a life I wish to be pleasing to you!
For nothing can replace you–
and I know I failed there– and it haunts me day and night.
I know that I might have lost the grace
that could have been mine,
for my sin was deep in my heart.
It’s been a painful process taking that sin from my heart–
but I’ve given it to you– and only you.
So let the bells chime once more!
Let me see your glory!
And if it pleases you– let it be a shocking sound to hear!
Let it be something that renews our faith in you–
that you always to what you have promised.
Let me give my life more fully to you!
Keep me to your path.

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Ecclesiastes series- Part four: Chapters six and seven, Seek first the kingdom

Posted on June 22nd, 2009 by Darth B'strad.
Categories: Reviews, Books, Philosophy, Religon, Christianity.

These two chapters are mostly about death and women and that makes sense because they are two things that go hand in hand, Right? Just have a look at chapter 7:

Ecclesiastes 7:28
I found one [upright] man among a thousand,
but not one [upright] woman among them all.

So all the women in the world are just trash! Well, no. Again we have to consider who’s writing this book and this is a man who had a thousand women as wives and concubines and they weren’t moral women. So of course his opinion is being swayed by his personal experience and Solomon didn’t pick good women to be his wives. They were women of royal birth that worshiped other gods and they had agendas that conflicted with the will of God and Solomon allowed that to turn his heart away from God. So now he’s looking back and making the conclusion that there isn’t an “upright” woman. He also had a lot of his friends betray him at the end because he had been turning his heart away from God and that why he doesn’t have a very high view of humanity. But he is still correct in keeping a low view of humanity because we do evil and vile things in this world. Just as we talked about last time with all of the oppressions that go on in this world we are very sinful and harmful people. As Solomon says:

Ecclesiastes 7:20 (ESV)
Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins.

So we are all equally worthy of the judgment of hell but yet again we have grace now because we trust in Jesus that He paid the price for our sins. Just as Paul tells us:

Romans 6:14
For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.

So we don’t have to live sinful lives anymore and we can become greater than what Solomon says the whole human existence is doomed to because Jesus has given us that grace. But as we have seen in Solomon’s life he rejected that grace that God has given him! And that’s why he’s writing this sorrowful book hoping that someone will not repeat the same mistakes. Just as Jonah’s prayer tells us:

Jonah 2:8 (NIV)
“Those who cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could be theirs.

So Solomon did forfeit the grace that could have been his if he hadn’t placed the women that he married as more important than God. So how are some of the ways in that we actually start to place something else as higher than God? How do we make idols that are more important to us? We can also see another thing Solomon had idolized more than God:

Ecclesiastes 7:23-24
All this I tested by wisdom and I said,
“I am determined to be wise”—
but this was beyond me.
Whatever exists is far off and most profound—
who can discover it?

So actually wisdom was another thing he valued more than God. That’s actually quite funny because only God has wisdom– that is seeing things the way God sees is and that’s something that is far beyond us. So what does he do:

Ecclesiastes 7:25
So I turned my mind to understand,
to investigate and to search out wisdom and the scheme of things
and to understand the stupidity of wickedness
and the madness of folly.

He tries to understand things with human knowledge but you can never find full understanding from a human prospective is very limited. As we see in the proverbs:

Proverbs 3:4-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

So how are some of the ways that we trust in our own understanding? How about when we think that if we just do the right things then God will give us what we want. But Solomon warns us about that:

Ecclesiastes 7:13-14
Consider what God has done:
Who can straighten
what he has made crooked?

When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider:
God has made the one
as well as the other.
Therefore, you cannot discover
anything about your future.

So we can’t ever know what the future hold for us! To keep on trying to dig in deep and figure everything out and know were this world is going to go is pointless. God will bring about the end the way He has set the end and we need to be trusting in His promises not letting anything get between us and God. And we are to wait patiently for it.

Ecclesiastes 7:8
The end of a matter is better than its beginning,
and patience is better than pride.

You see God doesn’t separate out from the good and the bad but rather the humble and the proud. No matter how good or how bad we are we all still end up with the same fate that none of us can change: we all die someday. So it is best to just give our lives to God and enjoy it while we can.

Ecclesiastes 6:3-6
A man may have a hundred children and live many years; yet no matter how long he lives, if he cannot enjoy his prosperity and does not receive proper burial, I say that a stillborn child is better off than he. It comes without meaning, it departs in darkness, and in darkness its name is shrouded. Though it never saw the sun or knew anything, it has more rest than does that man— even if he lives a thousand years twice over but fails to enjoy his prosperity. Do not all go to the same place?

So why should we be grasping for things that we can not have? No we need to be grateful for the thing that God has given us and enjoy it while we give up our lives to God and let Him be the guide of it. And there are many thing that try to get us out of that and ensnare us. This world is all about what’s going to happen in the future and how we can make things right– but we can’t do that! Only God can make things right in this world and we have to keep living in the present for that’s where God has placed us. For Solomon, his trap was women. As he says:

Ecclesiastes 7:26
I find more bitter than death
the woman who is a snare,
whose heart is a trap
and whose hands are chains.
The man who pleases God will escape her,
but the sinner she will ensnare.

We have to say in constant prayer ask that God will guide us out of the traps of this world. That He’s keep us focused on the things He wants us to do today and not keep chasing after tomorrow. Just as Jesus tells us:

Matthew 6:25-34
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life ?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

And that makes it nice that Jesus mentioned Solomon here, the flowers of the field were more richly clothed than him. And that is dew to the fact that Solomon spent his days worrying about being the right ruler and wise and didn’t give that trust up to God. And everything he worried about happening did happen because he didn’t place his trust in God. But We who do place our trust in God will get His eternal life.

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A feeling (Where does this come from?)

Posted on June 20th, 2009 by Darth B'strad.
Categories: Poetry.

How can I describe to you the things I can’t fathom?
How can I tell you what these feelings are when they tangle my brain?
How can I describe my soul to you when I don’t know how–
it’s been able to survive?
I have an odd feeling that I’m not where I’m suppose to be,
yet I’m right where I’m suppose to be.
How can you tell me that I didn’t hear what I did hear?
Or did I?
Just say it ain’t so!
Just tell me that I was fooling myself?
Why did I even think that?
Or could you just say that I had better purpose with it?
That it was all just for me to grow up,
and it will just all be alright.
But it hasn’t been giving me comfort–
it still hurts– and there is no good reason for it.
Why do I still keep running into these things–
he said I just go looking for it!
but how can I make that up!
I wasn’t looking it just played anyway.
How can I explain this to you?
You’ll just think it’s crazy–
and it is.

Let me feel that joy again!
Let me know what you want me to do!
renew my heart, and don’t let it get hard–
make me a pleasing in your sight.
Guard my path– light my way
give me comfort in my soul–
for no one will be capable of giving me any measure of peace–
all but you–
give me a path that leads me close to you!
let me hear you again!
tell me the things that you want me to know!
let me serve you!
Here I am– send me.

2 comments.

A kingdom (For the eternity He has given)

Posted on June 19th, 2009 by Darth B'strad.
Categories: Poetry.

I sought a dream I couldn’t understand–
and looked for sighs that were hidden from me.
I judged the cause, weighted the risks, and took a chance–
to no end, no glory, no further understanding.
I had a dream with a face that I didn’t see,
were reality met it– I have no clue.
I scrapped together every piece of wisdom and experience I could–
only to find it confusing and demented– yet my sister called it wisdom.
Why should this haunt me? Day and night– it still takes over my mind.
I sought to call together uncommon people–
for an uncommon cause, yet the praise was to great to make task.
I sought to see beyond our understanding–
speaking in words that I don’t understand,
making predictions that people didn’t heed– yet they still followed.
Right on par for a dream too big to fathom–
yet it never looked like a movie, it was just too simple for that.
words spoken here– were echoed there–
and made controversy on that side.
Yet this still remains to be true,
we can only live in the present and what the future holds–
is hidden for all time– till all time stops.
We will never know what the future holds,
till time stops.

For you have born eternity into the hearts of men–
and gave a promise that is everlasting–
all other promises are meaningless compared to this.
Could we possibly change the clock?
Could we pull back it’s hands so that we could have
a better glimpse of what has passed–
so that we could know better why it is today.
Or could we push them forward?
Make a new life in a world we know nothing about!
Could we mangle your words– so that–
we can catch you at a disadvantage.
And use that to bribe you into giving us what we want–
but we’ll find out soon enough– and we’ll never try that again.
For if -you’re- going to play with a tiger–
-you’ll- have to know how to deal with it’s teeth.
The more -you- pry– the more the bite will tear.
Give up -your- foolish ranting– as if -you think you- know it all.
Think of what we have here!
Think of what we have thrown away!
Think of the grace that could have been ours!
For thous that cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could have been theirs.

I had a dream– there was a face that I had recognized–
and there was a cleaning job– that needed to be done.
So I ask– if it pleases you– let me dream that dream again
and if that dream pleases you– then let loose my tongue–
so I may speak of it– and if my speech pleases you–
then bring will to my heart– so that I may work for it–
and if my work pleases you– then give strength to my hands–
so that I may endure in it– and if my endurance pleases you–
then bring aid to my side– so that I may have joy in it–
and if my joy pleases you– then give me your wisdom–
so that I my be a blessing– and if your blessing pleases you–
then let us see your kingdom– so that we may have courage–
and if our courage pleases you– then bring your kingdom to us–
so that we may live with you– and if our lives please you–
then give us the eternity that you have born in us.
For this is all about your glory– and we just seek to please you.
Let us live– one day at a time– to seek first your kingdom–
until it’s joined here with us.

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Ecclesiastes series- part three: Chapters four an Five, giving it all to God in prayer

Posted on June 16th, 2009 by Darth B'strad.
Categories: Reviews, Books, Philosophy, Religon, Christianity, Cultural.

So in chapters four and five Solomon brings up a lot of things that he sees wrong with the human condition. The first thing being people that are oppressed:

Ecclesiastes 4:1
Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun:
I saw the tears of the oppressed—
and they have no comforter;
power was on the side of their oppressors—
and they have no comforter.

So what are some of the things that we know of around the world that are great injustices? What can we really do about it? Coming up in the next the next verses Solomon tells us this:

Ecclesiastes 4:2-3
And I declared that the dead,
who had already died,
are happier than the living,
who are still alive.

But better than both
is the one who has not yet been,
who has not seen the evil
that is done under the sun.

So he’s telling us that in thous circumstances then it’s better to be dead than living in oppression and for us that are out of the oppression then it’s better to be ignorant of it than aware of it. But is that really they way we are to treat great injustices in this world? Let’s have a look at Psalm 82:

Psalm 82:1-5
God presides in the great assembly;
he gives judgment among the “gods”:

“How long will you defend the unjust
and show partiality to the wicked?

Defend the weak and the fatherless;
uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.

Rescue the weak and the needy;
deliver them from the hand of the wicked.

“The ‘gods’ know nothing, they understand nothing.
They walk about in darkness;
all the foundations of the earth are shaken.

So that is a Psalm of Asaph and instead of ignoring the suffering that he saw around the world like Solomon is saying, he deiced to bring it before God and ask Him to act. However, if we skip to chapter 5 in Ecclesiastes Solomon also says this:

Ecclesiastes 5:8-11
If you see the poor oppressed in a district, and justice and rights denied, do not be surprised at such things; for one official is eyed by a higher one, and over them both are others higher still. The increase from the land is taken by all; the king himself profits from the fields.

Those who love money never have enough;
those who love wealth are never satisfied with their income.
This too is meaningless.

As goods increase,
so do those who consume them.
And what benefit are they to the owners
except to feast their eyes on them?

He’s telling us that greed and oppression is always going to be with us in this world. As long as we are still and sinful race then we’re always going to have some from of this oppression in this world and we can’t ever change that. But is that really how we are to deal with things? Lets have a look at what David says in Psalm 33:

Psalm 33:16-19
No king is saved by the size of his army;
no warrior escapes by his great strength.

A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
despite all its great strength it cannot save.

But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.

So David is seemingly agreeing that nothing can save people from oppressions and pains that this world gives us except for God. But we can even get to a smaller scale that’s more personal that all over this world:

Ecclesiastes 4:4-6
And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

Fools fold their hands
and ruin themselves.

Better one handful with tranquillity
than two handfuls with toil
and chasing after the wind.

And he takes it further to the people who are so driven that only accomplishment will do:

Ecclesiastes 4:8 (NASB)
There was a certain man without a dependent, having neither a son nor a brother, yet there was no end to all his labor. Indeed, his eyes were not satisfied with riches and he never asked, “And for whom am I laboring and depriving myself of pleasure?” This too is vanity and it is a grievous task.

So that’s someone that goes of by themselves trying to grab the world by the horns and get it all by themselves with no one there to share with them what they have gained in this life. Do you know anyone that like this? What can we do about that? We actually see that today being created by our own parents in this society. You know the parents that tell their kids they have to make it into collage and they have to succeed in this society. But what exactly is that all for if you isolate yourself from everyone that loves you. How often do you really hear a happy story out of Hollywood? But these are the pushed, driven and successful people that are all alone. They marry and divorce all the time and the tabloids just feed off that all the time giving us our next little voyeuristic pursuit. That’s also why he tells us:

Ecclesiastes 4:13-16
Better a poor but wise youth than an old but foolish king who no longer knows how to heed a warning. The youth may have come from prison to the kingship, or he may have been born in poverty within his kingdom. I saw that all who lived and walked under the sun followed the youth, the king’s successor. There was no end to all the people who were before them. But those who came later were not pleased with the successor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

So if you’re poor and young then you always have a chance to rise to the top but then again isn’t that still just feeding into the same old system that we’ve always had? So we all see this world that we have here and it is full of lust, greed, hate, envy and all the rest of the evil things. But what really can we do about it? He keeps telling us that we can’t do anything:

Ecclesiastes 5:15-16
Everyone comes naked from their mother’s womb,
and as everyone comes, so they depart.
They take nothing from their toil
that they can carry in their hands.

This too is a grievous evil:
As everyone comes, so they depart,
and what do they gain,
since they toil for the wind?

So we can’t really do anything about the condition of this world right now? There is actually something that we can do about the condition of the world that we’re in, we can pray about it. That’s why I’ve been using Psalms to explain the things Solomon tells us we can do nothing about However we can pray about these things. So How should we pray? Well Jesus tells us in Luke:

Luke 11:5-13
Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him.’ And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need.

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; those who seek find; and to those who knock, the door will be opened.

“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

We can pray about these things and give them all up to God and allow Him to correct what is wrong in this world. In fact Jesus is telling us that we need to be extremely persistent when we are praying and not stop. when we have things that are wrong in our lives we need to hand them up in prayer because we can’t change the situation. We can’t make anything right in this world Solomon keeps saying “what is made crooked can’t be made straight,” well it’s not by our power that it can be made straight but by God’s power that it is made straight and we see that in the Psalm that Solomon wrote:

Psalm 127
Unless the LORD builds the house,
the builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the guards stand watch in vain.

In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Children are a heritage from the LORD,
offspring a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.

Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court.

So How are we to approach God with the things that are troubling us? What do we really ask for? Solomon gives us some guidelines to how we are to approach God.

Ecclesiastes 5:1-2
Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong.

Do not be quick with your mouth,
do not be hasty in your heart
to utter anything before God.
God is in heaven
and you are on earth,
so let your words be few.

So how do we end up offering the sacrifice of fools to God? How do we end up using our words to God too quickly? It’s when we tell God what we want Him to do is when we offer up a sacrifice of fool and when we throw around many things to God and tell Him what we expect Him to do is when we are not right with God. Solomon goes on to tell us this:

Ecclesiastes 5:3-7
A dream comes when there are many cares,
and many words mark the speech of a fool.

When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the [temple] messenger, “My vow was a mistake.” Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands? Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore fear God.

So the sort of person that keep demanding things of God and continually tells Him what to do is one that has dreams that are meaningless. So what is the right way to give God our dreams? Well David tells us in Psalm 51:

Psalm 51:16-19 (NLT)
You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.
The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
Look with favor on Zion and help her;
rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit—
with burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings.
Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.

So that is what God what’s from us. He wants us to continually be giving up to Him everything that hurts us in this world and be constantly handing Him our pains but we do it in a place of asking Him to be the one that corrects it. God want’s us to come to Him with our problems and troubles and we should keep on asking Him but it’s done in a place of letting Him correct it for us because nothing that we can do can solve any of these problems. If we don’t believe that God can take care of our problems then we should follow the words of Ecclesiastes to the letter. That’s the perfect why that you can just ignore God and keep living a life that’s alright but it’s not a life that pleases God. Keeping out of as many troubles as possible is not living a life that is pleasing to God but handing God a broken spirit and allowing Him to move in your life is pleasing to God. Then that is when we can live a life that Solomon says is Good:

Ecclesiastes 5:18-20
This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for people to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot. Moreover, when God gives people wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil—this is a gift of God. They seldom reflect on the days of their lives, because God keeps them occupied with gladness of heart.

It is because we have given our troubles up to God that we can be occupied with gladness of heart. It is when we give all of the situations that we can’t control that God can work with us and give us the right direction for us to follow. Prayer is something that we need to continually be living out in our lives. Prayer actually feeds our spirit and keeps our soul close to God so that we don’t act on what our hearts tell us to do. When we have people that cause problems in our lives we should be praying for good things to happen to them. Repay what harmful things that people do to us with blessings to them. In every situation, hand it up to God and pray over it and God will bless you.

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Ecclesiastes series- part two: Chapters two and three, accepting the role God gives us.

Posted on June 8th, 2009 by Darth B'strad.
Categories: Reviews, Books, Philosophy, Religon, Christianity, Cultural.

Let’s just start off by reading through chapter two:

Ecclesiastes 2:1-23
I said to myself, “Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good.” But that also proved to be meaningless. “Laughter,” I said, “is madness. And what does pleasure accomplish?” I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly—my mind still guiding me with wisdom. I wanted to see what was good for people to do under the heavens during the few days of their lives.

I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. I bought male and female slaves and had other slaves who were born in my house. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired male and female singers, and a harem as well—the delights of a man’s heart. I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me.

I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
and this was the reward for all my toil.

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun.

Then I turned my thoughts to consider wisdom,
and also madness and folly.
What more can the king’s successor do
than what has already been done?

I saw that wisdom is better than folly,
just as light is better than darkness.

The wise have eyes in their heads,
while fools walk in the darkness;
but I came to realize
that the same fate overtakes them both.

Then I said to myself,
“The fate of the fool will overtake me also.
What then do I gain by being wise?”
I said to myself,
“This too is meaningless.”

For the wise, like the fool, will not be long remembered;
the days have already come when both have been forgotten.
Like the fool, the wise too must die!

So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. And who knows whether that person will be wise or foolish? Yet they will have control over all the toil into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. For people may labor with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then they must leave all they own to others who have not toiled for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune. What do people get for all the toil and anxious striving with which they labor under the sun? All their days their work is grief and pain; even at night their minds do not rest. This too is meaningless.

So here we do see Solomon’s anger is starting to come out and this all makes good sense why he would be upset. In a sense he’s lamenting what he’s done. If we remember again, Solomon had just left a worse world to his son than his father left to him. He had a thousand women that he married or were his concubines and they turned his heart from God and because of that sin God is going to tear the kingdom away from his son and only leave his son two tribes of Israel. So you could also say that Solomon is getting angry at himself for leaving a worse kingdom to his son than his father left to him. He knows that all of his work is going to be wiped out and nothing will be gained by it due to his sins against God. But yet if we have a look at Isaiah we see that we’re actually not to be doing that:

Isaiah 45:9-10
“Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker,
those who are nothing but potsherds
among the potsherds on the ground.
Does the clay say to the potter,
‘What are you making?’
Does your work say,
‘The potter has no hands’?

Woe to those who say to their father,
‘What have you begotten?’
or to their mother,
‘What have you brought to birth?’

Paul puts it even better when he says:

Romans 9:19-24
One of you will say to me: “Then why does God still blame us? For who is able to resist his will?” But who are you, a mere human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’ ” Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for disposal of refuse?

What if God, although choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory— even us, whom he also called, not only from the Jews but also from the Gentiles?

So Paul is telling us that even the things that God has prepared for destruction can still show his grace and patience by holding back his full power from us. And we do see that in the life of Solomon, God had shown him grace by allowing two tribes to be given to his son and a chance to rebuild it but they still didn’t turn their ways around. But Solomon is asking, how can we know if the next generation will do as well as we did or correct what we did wrong? Well there is no answer to that question because we can’t know what the future holds for us. So Solomon gives us this answer:

Ecclesiastes 2:24-26
People can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

So is that all we’re suppose to do in this life? Just eat drink and be marry, enjoy your work and just leave the rest up to God? Well, yes. Starting off in the next chapter Solomon tells us everything in this life has it’s place:

Ecclesiastes 3:1-14
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

So now we are seeing a change in Solomon’s attitude. In stead of saying that it’s all meaningless, he starts to point out that God has put a sense of eternity in us. In fact you could say that time itself is actually one of the enemies that we fight. So while we are living in time we need to make the most of what God gives us to do.

Ecclesiastes 3:15
Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.

God will be the only judge when everything is said and done

Ecclesiastes 3:16
And I saw something else under the sun:
In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
in the place of justice—wickedness was there.

And he will judge what is evil

Ecclesiastes 3:17-22
I said to myself,
“God will bring into judgment
both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
a time to judge every deed.”

I also said to myself, “As for human beings, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”

So I saw that there is nothing better for people than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?

So to tie this all together, Jesus explains all this in one of his parables:

Luke 19:11-26
While they were listening to this, he went on to tell them a parable, because he was near Jerusalem and the people thought that the kingdom of God was going to appear at once. He said: “A man of noble birth went to a distant country to have himself appointed king and then to return. So he called ten of his servants and gave them ten minas. ‘Put this money to work,’ he said, ‘until I come back.’

“But his subjects hated him and sent a delegation after him to say, ‘We don’t want this man to be our king.’

“He was made king, however, and returned home. Then he sent for the servants to whom he had given the money, in order to find out what they had gained with it.

“The first one came and said, ‘Sir, your mina has earned ten more.’

” ‘Well done, my good servant!’ his master replied. ‘Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter, take charge of ten cities.’

“The second came and said, ‘Sir, your mina has earned five more.’

“His master answered, ‘You take charge of five cities.’

“Then another servant came and said, ‘Sir, here is your mina; I have kept it laid away in a piece of cloth. I was afraid of you, because you are a hard man. You take out what you did not put in and reap what you did not sow.’

“His master replied, ‘I will judge you by your own words, you wicked servant! You knew, did you, that I am a hard man, taking out what I did not put in, and reaping what I did not sow? Why then didn’t you put my money on deposit, so that when I came back, I could have collected it with interest?’

“Then he said to those standing by, ‘Take his mina away from him and give it to the one who has ten minas.’

” ‘Sir,’ they said, ‘he already has ten!’

“He replied, ‘I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but as for those who have nothing, even what they have will be taken away.

That’s what tells us the meaning of our lives here! We can’t deiced any of the circumstances that we are given in this life, we can only work as hard as we can and give it as an offering to God. We have to remember that Jesus already bought us with a high price so our lives are not ours to control but are to be given to Him. And God has promised that anyone who does give up their lives to Him will become His children in His kingdom and we will rule together with Him. That’s a kingdom that He is out working on now working to establish, but if we hide from Him and let our lives rot then we will be judged for it. We are here to continually be giving our lives up is service to our king. So all our meaning in life is in God:

1 Corinthians 15:58
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Paul just spent 57 verses in that chapter explaining the resurrection of the dead, our blessed hope in this life! And then he end that chapter by saying to always give yourselves to God. That we are always to keep on working for His will in our lives.

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A Curse (What Dreams have wrought)

Posted on June 8th, 2009 by Darth B'strad.
Categories: Poetry.

Why do I wish to die?
What good did all that do me?
All I’ve found was deep sorrow– and just pain
I had wished to take flight– on wings of eagles–
flying beyond what no man had done before–
finding new highs to were no one could tear me down from.
But before I had a chance at flight–
the walls to my foolish dream collapsed– crushing it all down–
never given a chance to fly– to try–
but why– still I don’t understand– Why?
Why did you say that to me?
Did you really say that to me?
Was this all just a fools wandering–
or was it just meant to hurt a lot.
Could there be any great lesson to all this?
Any deep thing that will bring it all toghther?
Is there any why you could remove this boluder–
laid across my chest– was there any chance?
I’ve done my best– but it just didn’t cut it–
it just made things worse– more crushed

Why do I wish to die?
I didn’t have a big tragedy happen– just lost reason to– live
or just hoping for some release of this pain–
but all the counsel in this blue ball– gave no ease– no dulling–
No dulling to the sharp edge to my gut– no ease to the slicing–
it’s the same old foolish story– but why can’t I move on from it.
It’s beating me to shreds– killing every will that I had– every hope–
completely broken– why can’t I wise up–
and realize that it just isn’t so–
but my mind always chases for– hope– that someday–
this pain will be removed– but it never works–
no matter what I do– I keep getting crushed.
What did you really mean that day?
What did you really say?
Such things make me want to give up–
run far away– but then the big fish would come–
in whatever form you would make it.
thous foolish dreams– you know they plague me still
driving me insane– nothing but that crushing feeling.

Why do I wish to die?
When you have still blessed me so richly– far more that I could–
ever imagined– more than anyone could ever see– or understand–
if they only knew what you spare them from– they wouldn’t complain–
So why should I?
Your gifts are more pleasant than the fields of flowers–
more beautiful than sky you paint–
dripping your rays through the mountains–
illuminating the west that sines though the grasslands–
and raising it up through the east–
to give light to a new day.
For I look for the day when that stops–
when time is put into it’s place–
sealed to the hell that it came from–
And then I could see your face!
Then I could know what it’s like– to really– hear your voice–
that’s not echoed though time– or blurred by it’s transgressions–
and I could then take my rightful place– at your side–
and feel the love that you have for me.
But I don’t want to wait for that day–
it will come when you have chosen–
I want to hear you now!
I want to see you now!
Keep my heart from getting hard–
let it be renewed– rebuilt– rejuvenated–
let me see that hope that you have given me
and show me the right path.
Till then I’ll keep dreaming– and hoping that you’ll give me–
a way out of this pain.

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Ecclesiastes series- Part one: Introduction and chapter one

Posted on June 2nd, 2009 by Darth B'strad.
Categories: Reviews, Books, Philosophy, Religon, Christianity, Cultural.

I’ve decided to take up leading my Monday night bible study group that we call the lamppost. After looking through some books to start a study on I found Ecclesiastes the most challenging and I think that will be a message that our group needs right not (well I certainly need this message right now). So here on straight outta Denver, I’ll be posting up the lessons that I’ll be giving for the lamppost. Enjoy!

Ecclesiastes is one of thous really odd books of the bible, in fact if you take out all the references to God in it you might say that an atheists wrote it up. Right at the beginning of the book the author says:

Ecclesiastes 1:2-11
“Meaningless! Meaningless!”
says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.”

What does anyone gain from all their labors
at which they toil under the sun?

Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.

The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.

The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.

All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.

All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.

What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.

Is there anything of which one can say,
“Look! This is something new”?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.

There is no remembrance of people of old,
and even those who are yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow them.

Well that really doesn’t inspire hope and faith in God like my believes tell me to. That sounds like we should just give up, why bother living this life here. That sounds in complete contradiction to what Paul told us when he says:

Romans 8:18-25
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Well that’s a very inspirational passage to me and that’s the thing that keeps me going in this life but yet the entire book of Ecclesiastes just keeps hammering me down on my hope: saying that it’s meaningless. It even goes further to say:

Ecclesiastes 1:12-15
I, the Teacher, was king over Israel in Jerusalem. I applied my mind to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under the heavens. What a heavy burden God has laid on the human race! I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

What is crooked cannot be straightened;
what is lacking cannot be counted.

Well I hold to a faith that God Himself paid the price to make what was crooked to be straight and what is lacking to be counted! Just as Jesus told us:

Matthew 5:3-10
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

But that doesn’t fit with:

Ecclesiastes 1:16-18
I said to myself, “Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge.” Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind.

For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief.

So is the book of Ecclesiastes just a fluke? Some book that made it in there just to confuse us? Well no! God had a purpose and a plan for this book just like He has a purpose and a plan for everything He does and this book like every other book of the bible also has it’s place in His story. One of the worst ways that we can treat the bible is when we make it into a look it up encyclopedia on what are the things we are to do and what we shouldn’t do. Now don’t get me wrong here, the bible has plenty to say about what is wrong and what is right but that’s not the point of the bible. The propose of the bible is for us to get into God frame of mind and to allow that to map out our lives, not for us to map out the bible and see where that fits in our lives. So Ecclesiastes is part of Gods story just as much as any other book of the bible. So let’s have a look at where in the story this book fits in.

This book was written by King Solomon or more likely someone was writing down what he was saying in this book. The author was old wise coming to the end of his life wondering if it was all worth it. He starts asking the question of why should we work and suffer so much in this life when everything ends the same way. It’s all chases around in circles! Wise or fool we all die in the end and we are no more capable of correcting it than anyone else. Well this all comes out of what Solomon’s fate was. He was the King of Israel at a time where Israel was the greatest and richest nation on the planet. He had inherited it from his father King David and he was the one God had chosen to build His temple and Solomon did it. All of the prophecies about the nation of Israel was finally fulfilled with King Solomon:

1 Kings 4:20-21
The people of Judah and Israel were as numerous as the sand on the seashore; they ate, they drank and they were happy. And Solomon ruled over all the kingdoms from the Euphrates River to the land of the Philistines, as far as the border of Egypt. These countries brought tribute and were Solomon’s subjects all his life.

So Solomon really did have it all but yet his rule was also the start of the downfall of the nation of Israel:

1 Kings 11:1-6
King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the LORD had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been. He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the LORD; he did not follow the LORD completely, as David his father had done.

So all of the women that Solomon had is was led him astray and kept him from fully trusting in God and as a consequence God had punished him:

1 Kings 11:11-13
So the LORD said to Solomon, “Since this is your attitude and you have not kept my covenant and my decrees, which I commanded you, I will most certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your subordinates. Nevertheless, for the sake of David your father, I will not do it during your lifetime. I will tear it out of the hand of your son. Yet I will not tear the whole kingdom from him, but will give him one tribe for the sake of David my servant and for the sake of Jerusalem, which I have chosen.”

And this is when Ecclesiastes was written: right at the end of Solomon’s rein and right at the start of when Israel started turning from God and following their own paths. Following this the Assyrians wiped through Israel taking 10 of the tribes who were never heard from again. Then after that Babylon took the last two in exile for 40 years until they were finally allowed to come home. However, even thought there isn’t much hint of hope in Ecclesiastes God has always given hope:

1 Kings 11:34-39
” ‘But I will not take the whole kingdom out of Solomon’s hand; I have made him ruler all the days of his life for the sake of David my servant, whom I chose and who obeyed my commands and decrees. I will take the kingdom from his son’s hands and give you ten tribes. I will give one tribe to his son so that David my servant may always have a lamp before me in Jerusalem, the city where I chose to put my Name. However, as for you, I will take you, and you will rule over all that your heart desires; you will be king over Israel. If you do whatever I command you and walk in obedience to me and do what is right in my eyes by obeying my decrees and commands, as David my servant did, I will be with you. I will build you a dynasty as enduring as the one I built for David and will give Israel to you. I will humble David’s descendants because of this, but not forever.’ “

And that decedent is current reigning the world right now! Jesus, our king, is ruling the world right now and we are His children. But still: why did God include this book of an old depressed man who lost everything in His bible? Theirs one thing that I want us to learn from Solomon or more correctly one thing that he is trying to break you of: the thought that we can change the world. No folks, we have to let God change us and this world and we can’t do it ourselves. We are incapable of doing anything without God’s help but yet we can do all thing through God.

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Make love and get war

Posted on May 21st, 2009 by Darth B'strad.
Categories: Ethics, Philosophy, Media, Christianity, Cultural.

We have a massive problem in this nation and it’s some that’s just tearing at the very fabric, we have one issue that we just don’t respect anymore that is killing and distorting everything that was once good and great about this nation -in fact the biggest falsehood and lie that we’ve come up with is:  We’re extremely health conscious in this nation, but yet when it comes to one of the biggest health issues that we have, we throw it around like it’s a beach ball; We have to ensure that we count up all the calories and fat grams, make sure we have it down perfectly, don’t get any trans fat in there or whatever other new little thing that we need to make sure we don’t eat or do eat. We have health studies all the time and keep dumping them up to the ceiling. First, you’re not to drink any alcohol at all, then you’re suppose to have a glass of wine everyday, then you’re suppose to limit the amount of carbs you take in. On and on the studies go in an endless cycle that just drives me nuts. Yet they ignore the 500 pound gorilla in the room in favor of chasing after the nats and the reality is that it’s killing people. It’s completely tearing our nation apart and they just don’t get it. It has it’s hook so deeply sunk inside us that no one’s willing to start trying to remove it. By far the nastiest diseases come from it but for a county that freaks out over the flu and every other little possible thing, we just ignore this one. Just get tested so you know but yet people do and then they just go ahead and just keep making the problem worse. But hey they’re just going to do it anyway, right? Quite frankly folks, this nation is on a one way road to complete annihilation and there’s one thing that’s doing it: sex. Or as they like to say “making love,” which is actually quite an absurd description of it since I see many people not treating each other with love when they go around sleeping with everyone. Now if you do support gay marriage then you’re most likely ether already offended or just think I’m being absurd. In that case I would suggest that you stop reading this now because you’re most likely going to become more offended as you go along and you won’t understand me anyway. So you should save yourself the trouble and go read something else because you’re just going to become more upset and angry at me and that won’t do ether of us any good. If you read this anyway and get offended then you’ve been warned and your offense is your own fault. However if you do believe that marriage is between one man and one woman then this is a post that you should take seriously because this is a matter that killing one massively important thing that’s been keeping our country alive for over two centuries: families. I also include a lot of personal stories in this post that are just intended to make my point stronger. So please, let’s keep names off the comment line.

The dehumanization syndrome
I always found it completely vile the way women are treated in middle eastern countries. The way they completely dress them up and force them to cover their face. Cover their face! That’s what criminals do when they’re trying to hide their identity and when they do that they become less than human taking what they want and hurting whoever gets in their way. So to force a woman to cover up completely so that they no longer bare any resemblance to someone human just makes me feel sick. It’s a disgusting practice and I would want to see someone’s face so that I can identify with someone. But yet for how much the feminist talk about how they want equal rights for women, why do they never pick this issue up? It’s wasn’t until recently that I just realized that we do the exact same thing to the women in our country only far worse. Thous counties methods of dehumanizing women is by hiding their faces while ours is to plaster up a picture and have the guy focus on the breasts rather than the face. That’s just as dehumanizing! Ever wonder why Hugh Hefner gives so much money to feminist causes? It’s because it helps him with his business. It actually all about turning women into sex object rather than real human beings. We have this picture of women that no real woman is but yet we plaster that up there like it is and we wonder why they’re so depressed lately. And that is the why we train them up to be. I was at a concert a few months back (a frockus concert in fact ) and I was there with a girl who was friends with the band. She was a really nice girl, a church girl in fact, but she was really obsessed with her looks. We were just sitting down talking over several things and then just said “you haven’t been starring at my breasts at all.” I thought of saying “well my parents raised me to treat women with respect” but for some reason we just got off that subject and went to something else (in retrospect I should have said that). But what I found so interesting was that I was treating her like a normal human being here and she kept trying to make herself into the sex object. You could very well say that she was trying to dehumanize herself and what for? Because that’s the ideal that this society keep plastering up there? That this is what you need to be in order to be happy? Everything about this girl was not happy, she was very insecure about herself and couldn’t control herself. Why was that?

What you think will free you, will enslave you
I go dancing a lot and that gives me a chance to meet interesting people and find some new friends. About two years back I had met a fiery red head that I really wanted to get to know! So I figured it would be a good idea to get to know her friends and get their approval, so I walk right up to her friend and the first thing that came out of her mouth was “I’m depressed over not getting laid.” Right then I bit my tong so that I would say some stupid one liner but without saying another word she just kept on going on and on about how she tried to commit suicide. So I thought this girl was completely crazy and wasn’t really wanting to try to get to know her any better. Now I think that should have reflected poorly on that fiery red head that I wanted to date and as I later found out that red head was quite crazy too and I’m glad that I never did date her but at the time still wanted her. So I just started putting up with the friend but for some reason she really liked talking to me. The red head pushed me off to the side so I ended up talking to her friend for months. I kept on trying to reason with her on how she was living her life. By the time she was 17 she had already had sex with 9 different guys and was always depressed but she wouldn’t ever listen to me. She was an absolutely beautiful girl but she always dated and slept with guys who were complete jerks. She had a great personality and she was fun to hang around but she was extremely selfish and the guys who really loved her she would just dump. One of her “boyfriends” was as far as I could tell a really good guy but she just took his virginity and then just dumped him. I guess he just wasn’t interesting enough for her but she never did tell me why she dumped him. After a few months that guy took a gun to his head and pulled the trigger but the clip jammed and it didn’t fire. He told her about it and her response was “how could you do that to me!” She wasn’t trying to help him she just condemned him for hurting her feeling and just pushed it off to the side like she wasn’t doing anything wrong. She really didn’t respect herself at all, she just let guys have their way with her and then she wondered why they’d call her a bitch. But the unfortunate truth is: she deserved it. And then she call me strange for the fact that I’m still holding my virginity for the woman that I’ll marry but it came down to the fact that she didn’t respect herself at all. But she always kept on talking about that first guy. She kept talking about how he promised her that he’d give her children and that he’d always love her but in the end he just left her. Left her seeking that love that she had never had but instead of letting another guy love her that way she would go for the guys that would do the same thing to her. She got addicted to feeling that same pain and wouldn’t give that up for a moment and she wouldn’t trust in the possibility that God could heal her of it.

What you think will empower you, will kill you
I had a friend once tell me that every time the issue of sex would come up I would freak out! Well he wasn’t really right about that but I have had a lot of issues with always falling in love with girls that I would never have. It always seems to me that every time that I express the slightest interest in a girl, that’s when they would flee off! That’s always been quite depressing for me, nothing ever works out and here I am at 24 and I can’t say that I’ve ever had a real girlfriend. I’d have friends that would tell me that I should just try it out! See how sex feels, you need to know what it’s like if you’re going to get married. Some of them even tried to set up situations were that would happen and thank God that they didn’t work out. Somehow I just knew that if I were to just have cheap sex it would put me in a far worse position and I’d sink worse into depression but I couldn’t figure out why. Most my friends that have done it didn’t seem to be suicidal at all but yet somehow I knew that I would start down a path that would just completely tear me to shreds if I had done the same. Thinking back over my life I did remember that I had a childhood love. In fact I was quite certain that she was the one for me! (of course I knew everything at the age of 10 ) I had remembered all of the good times I had with that girl and she was most defiantly my best friend at the time. After a few years her parents took her with them to other parts of the country and I of course lost my love there but yet thinking over it now, I don’t remember any tears over it. I found that really odd considering that I was madly in love with her and I remember fighting with my brother over it because he was trying to convince that I shouldn’t marry her. But the more the he tried the more certain I was (like I said, I knew everything at the age of 10). But it actually was very strange for me because I don’t remember a single feeling over her leaving But yet I remember plenty of tears over other girls I had known so I didn’t understand why she was different here. But she was completely different than all of the rest of them because of what I did and I just didn’t want to remember. I have some large gaps in my memory especially centered around thous years around third grade and there are plenty of time where people will bring up stories that I just can’t remember. Somehow I did have a concept of sex when I was really young and I still don’t know how I knew of it when I was that little. I just thought it was something that people do when they’re in love and I loved her and I thought she loved me too. I had a really fuzzy memory that’s recently come back to me and I’ve been trying to figure out what it’s meant for several weeks now. I just remember being in my parents bathroom and I had started getting naked in front of her and she walked out. I don’t remember what was said or anything else but I know I felt humiliated and in fact I still feel humiliated. That’s something that I’ve worked really hard to bury very deep inside myself and never feel that again. However instead of bringing that to God and allowing Him to heal me I just kept hiding it, especially from myself.

The shame that cuts us deep inside
For years I have always felt shame at the very fact that I was a male. I had always hated myself and never thought I was worth anything. It took me by complete surprise the day I learned Bieren actually thought of me as a friend. I thought I was crap. I just kept everything to myself and kept twisting it around in my mind, trying to make the past go away but it never did. I always kept looking at the girls I knew I wouldn’t ever be with as the only ones that I could go for and the ones that really like me, I didn’t believe them. I’d always ether make a fool out of myself or I’d just stay silent and I spent my days in constant hate. Nobody knew how to help me because I didn’t understand or want to know what was wrong with me. But yet Bieren really did help save my life by just deciding to hang out with me and accepting me as I was. He didn’t just write me off as some crazy guy like all the rest of my pears did, he just took me as I was, kept pushing me to do things, try out things. And from that I could start building in myself a new perception of myself: that I’m really not as crappy as I think! And it’s that broken a destructive perceptive that get us constantly doing hurtful things to ourselves and others. I call them demons or you could refer to them as black boxes, but they are thous events that make us react in ways that hurt ourselfs or others. When we hold them down tightly and hide them that’s when they have their power over us. But we can’t have them locked down and tightly secured from everyone, you need to have them out in the open with someone that you can trust. You shouldn’t necessarily go telling it to everyone you ever meet, that doesn’t help you make friends all that well, but you should talk about these things with someone that you can trust and support you. I only write these things here to try to help others and only after I have prayed about it for some time. But the only real way to get past such hurts is to bring them to God.

Forgiveness is the answer
Invot had busted out this Psalm a little bit back:

Psalm 51
Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
and your judgment against me is just.
For I was born a sinner—
yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
But you desire honesty from the womb,
teaching me wisdom even there.

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me—
now let me rejoice.
Don’t keep looking at my sins.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a loyal spirit within me.
Do not banish me from your presence,
and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
Then I will teach your ways to rebels,
and they will return to you.
Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves;
then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.
Unseal my lips, O Lord,
that my mouth may praise you.

You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.
The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
Look with favor on Zion and help her;
rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit—
with burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings.
Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.

That’s the Psalm David had wrote after he had his affair with Bathsheba and had her husband killed and I find it to be one of the most beautiful works of poetry there is. That is because it embodies everything that my faith teaches me. The poem starts out with a cry of guilt, pain and remorse. He moves on to ask God to keep him in His presence and to give him a loyal spirit and for God to not take away His blessing from him. Then David asks God to make him willing to obey Him and then he says he’ll teach rebels God’s ways. Then David makes the point of the one thing God wants most from us: a broken and repentant heart. And as David says: “You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.” Everything that we can possibly offer to God is meaningless to God when it’s compared to offering Him a broken spirit and God will only delight in anything else we do only after we give Him that broken spirit. But what exactly does giving God a broken spirit mean? How does that renew us? That’s because that’s the way that God can start to take over and start renewing us Himself. I’ve struggled for years over my self hatred. For one thing I didn’t know that I hated myself until last year. I didn’t know how broken my spirit was because I didn’t want to remember it. I was always haunted by my nature and always felt ashamed of myself and I never wanted to let go of it. I remember how violent everything was when I as addicted to porn. I hated the fact that they could do such things and not feel any shame over it when I was ashamed to be me. I wouldn’t talk about what I believed in because I hated me so I naturally assumed that everyone else did too. I started to actually like getting picked on by the bullies in my school because they helped me confirm this messed up view of my self. Like the rash that you just can’t help scratching because you just get a perverse satisfaction at feeling the pain that it makes. But yet you know that it would heal if you could just leave it alone and you so much want it to heal. It’s the same sort of wounds that we create on our souls when we don’t hand our pains to the Lord. This sort of world view that I formed of myself was one that I just wouldn’t want to let go because actually dealing with the problem was too painful. It’s hard to remember something that you’ve been burying for your whole life but if you bring it fourth and give it to the Lord, that’s when you can start to heal.

Building from the roots up
With every single problem we have there is always something that we are valuing more than God. This is the condition that our human nature puts us in and you can trace it back all the way to the beginning. One of the strangest parts about the fall of man was what the tree that caused our fall was named:

Genesis 2:15-17
The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. But the Lord God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden— except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.”

It’s the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. And that’s how we all stumble! We have all eaten from that tree because we all think that we can make things work out better than God can. That we can actually know better than He does. That we can make things right on our own accord instead of trusting Him with it. But it never works out that way. Every time that I have trusted in my own knowledge and thinking things only turned more and more destructive. I kept running into walls and I kept finding myself in more misery. My lust would only increase and always became more uncontrollable but yet now that I have remembered and given that pain to the Lord, all these things are now starting to heal. The past few weeks I have been far more capable of controlling my urges than I have in months. I’ve been looking more for a brighter future rather than wishing that I was dead and even now many things about me are starting to make sense. Continually bringing our pains to the Lord is something that we all need to do to get His blessings. We need to realize that everything we do in this life is for Him. That is especially true when it comes to the issue of sex. Right after Genesis talks about the tree that’s when it goes into how God made women:

Genesis 2:18-25
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.

So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

“At last!” the man exclaimed.

“This one is bone from my bone,
and flesh from my flesh!
She will be called ‘woman,’
because she was taken from ‘man.’”

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

And this is also why sex needs to be respected because it is an act of two people becoming one. So if you don’t respect it then it tears your soul to shreds not to mention the people that you’ll hurt by it. Every time I’m with a group of people that doesn’t respect sex, I see completely torn apart lives but yet with thous that do treat it with respect I see far more stable relationships. That’s why it’s reserved for marriage because it’s not about getting what you want out of it but satisfying the other person’s need to be one with someone. That’s why Paul said this:

1 Corinthians 7:2-9
But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. But God gives to some the gift of marriage, and to others the gift of singleness.

So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.

Trying to satisfy your own need will not get you what you want in this life. That’s why I included the stories that I have because I see it all the time. But yet I have seen over in my own life and in other: that when you invest in others and love them, giving without expecting anything back from them, that’s when you’ll start seeing them turn around and bless you back.

Working for a new kingdom

Revelation 21:1-8
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.

I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”

And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.” And he also said, “It is finished! I am the Alpha and the Omega—the Beginning and the End. To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life. All who are victorious will inherit all these blessings, and I will be their God, and they will be my children.

“But cowards, unbelievers, the corrupt, murderers, the immoral, those who practice witchcraft, idol worshipers, and all liars—their fate is in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”

One girl that I know always keeps impressing me. In fact I’ve quoted her a couple of times here on this blog. She a very beautiful girl that goes to my church and I’ve told her that too but the funny thing is that really the reason that I have said that doesn’t have all that much to do with her looks. It’s actually much more due to the fact that she wouldn’t flaunt it like the girl I talked about at the beginning of this post. Unlike every other girl I have met she says more modestly dressed and holds herself in a respectful manner. I saw some pictures of her one time and that made it even more clear that she could be a super model if she wanted to be and make millions of dollars. Yet she chose not to live that sort of life. She chose a profession of serving others and keeps on serving other whenever she can. Instead of trying to use her looks to get what she wants she instead chooses to say “People do not exist to be receptacles for enjoyment and comfort in my life. No, quite the opposite. I exist to bless God and to bless people. and blessing people should not be something that I do when it is convenient for me, or when I know that I will get something out of it. That is missing the point!” And that was something that I had screwy in my head at that time and it still took me months to get my thinking right. But everything in this life is working to serve God and when we give Him our shattered spirits that when he’ll renew us and give us something to hope for. Ultimately our true hope is the renewal of our earth. For it to be made new just as God said He would. And we all need to come to Him to be made new. Only if we bring everything to Him. That woman will live a long and happy life if she keeps holding true to her example and you will also live a good life if you follow her example. But the only why that we can receive our renewal is for us to come to God with our pains and start allowing Him to start applying His treatments to us. Then we can live with peace in our lives.

5 comments.

Ethics Class (maybe I should be ethical, sometimes)

Posted on May 21st, 2009 by Dark Poet.
Categories: Ethics, Cultural.

Here is a paper I am about to submit for my ethics class, be confused and enjoy;

Marriage and society ethics
Ethics

I could argue for marriage or against it. Whether or not it benefits society, or how it benefits society.
First, I could explain the virtues of marriage and how it is good for society. I could use Kant, citing that his arguments, citing even the theological voluntarism side of his arguments. Theological voluntarism can be used both ways, though. God says to Noah, ”Be fruitful and multiply”, and that is in Jewish, Islam, Catholic, and Christian religions; I do not know if God, god, or gods have said that in other religious practices. But therefore, be fruitful and multiply, and the way to do that is to marry, male and female, a have tons of kids. Lead the kids into life, to teach, to support, and to discipline them. Discipline them, which logically leads to a a better child, which leads to a better adult, which leads to a better society.
Discipline is when the kid(s) strays from the path that is RIGHT, correct? The thing about theological voluntarism is that the author of the textbook discredits it by saying that god(s) can change his or her own mind, and therefore an absolute change in ‘absolute’ rights and wrongs. With respect to the child, if this information is to reach the child, would it be conceivable that it is very confusing to the child? But, Mom/Dad, you said that that was right, what now?
I could use Kant’s golden rule, if it is good for you and me, then it is good. Is the marriage good for the couple and good for society? I would say that male to female, female to male marriage is ideally good, because a male, born a male, having sex with a female, born a female, are able to procreate. Does marriage between the parents of a child create more stability for the child rather than non-married parents? The cases of one spouse beating up the other spouse or one spouse breaking the promise(s) that they took at the marriage ceremony could be considered that that marriage is not good for the couple. Therefore that marriage is not good for society.
I could use Hobbes, building off of his social contract theories to explain the virtues of marriage. I think I have read ‘Leviathan’ by Thomas Hobbes right. Man is able to be in the state of Warre, but by reasoning and by covenants there are peace, industry, and society. One must try not to revert back to the state of Warre in a society, because, if they do, they violate the covenant/laws of that society. The people of the society will do what the laws say to do to such a person in the state of Warre. The state of Warre is basically every man for himself, in this state of nature, Hobbes says, killing is justified. It is, then, the nature of society to include individuals, who are willing to actively block the lust of the state of Warre, societal protection. Marriage is, if I may suggest, a covenant between two people. Would it be too hard to the reader to see that by that arrangement that the marriage which is a covenant between two people has benefit of society and the nature of society imprinted on it? I cannot, though use this seemingly solid piece of argument for the virtue of marriage, because of one (maybe more) point. What if the ‘marriage’ is nothing more than the repeated rape of one ’spouse’ by the other ’spouse’? That is called real marriage.
No; the nature of society is not exactly imprinted on that, then, correct?
Hume is in there, too. With respect to the religions of Islam, Catholicism, Judaism, and Christianity, God said to Noah, be fruitful and multiply. So the ethic could be to convey that to the kids. May I suggest that intuitionism is a strong motivator to feel and to think for exploring how heterosexual marriage as the ideal of society? Would the intuitism of a person be relative to culture, though? Since I have broken it off with my ex-fiancée, I have explored with my intuition why heterosexual marriage is good for society, and I have came up blank, except for that it just is.
The thing I get from Hume is that we all have feelings, passions, and intuitions, therefore an ethos argument for one side or another could move people into agreement or make them tend to the defenses. So ponder society and all it is, and then intuit how a male and a female joining themselves for life is for the betterment of that society.
What is society, then? My intuition tells me it is the organization of globalization which is built on top of the organization of multinational business, trade, and culture, which is built on the organization of national culture, business, trade, which is built on the organization of regional culture, business, trade, which is built on the organization of multiple cities/towns/villages. Cities may or may not produce it’s own food, so a city may or may not be dependent on something outside the city limits. For my purposes, I am going to call the city and what it is dependent upon just the city. The organization of the city is built on the organization of sections of the city, which is built on the organization of communities or lack of such a thing. Are my intuitions fairly okay to the reader at this point? Would it be fair to say that a community is a group of people, meeting together for many common goals, processes, and interests? The community is a group consisting of individuals.
Individuals are able to be affected not by the community in which they commune, but affected by the mass media. I will try not to revert back to Hobbes, but society more or less controls the mass media, and so society wants the attitudes and feelings of individuals biased towards a better society. Gender roles play play their part via mass media; from the movie, Conspiracy Theory, they “Betty Crocker the girls, and G.I. Joe the boys”. Do marriage-like partnerships have their masculine-like person and feminine-like person? I am going to assume, even though it might be world’s society around us, that marriage-like partnerships naturally have the masculine person and the feminine person. Would Betty Crocker be the feminine, and G.I. Joe be the masculine? Is the society in which Mel Gibson’s character cited in the movie, Conspiracy Theory, playing off this naturalness? I have the feeling of anti-society right now. What is the alternative to that society? Without Hobbes, and using Humme’s emotional reasoning for ethics, the alternative is to make another society or try to change society.
On the other hand, how can one intuit that society is good without using Hobbes? Is it fair to say, that via intuition, marriage is ethical because it adds depth of feelings and depth of maturity to the individuals involved? Please Let me know if the reader’s intuition disagrees. Would the logically progression of this deepening of maturity and feelings go on the affect other individuals outside the marriage, influencing the community, community influencing the city? And the city influencing the region? Advocating marriage sounds good right now, right?
I can cancel the argument out, by saying that the influencing of community/city/region of a single marriage is very hard to do because there are others who are able influence in quite the opposite direction with quite the opposite ideas, feelings, and intuitions.
In conclusion, you might have got a hint of an idea. This idea formed probably near the end of page two. The idea is that I want marriage to fail, because of me breaking up with the one I was planning to marry. I say this idea is only half true, and that I want to figure out, ethically, or using Hobbes, Humme, and Kant how marriage naturally is with respect to society. For Kant I concluded more or less, that marriage is how one goes about it that affects society. For Hobbes, it is on a real personal level, marriage balances out the state of the Warre. And for Humme, Influencing outside marriage or not, one can intuit that marriage deepens feelings and increases maturity.

5 comments.