Index for posts concerning Beer

That Burning Cool sensation! by Darth B'strad
4 comments

Hay! That’s my Church! by Darth B'strad
5 comments

The Spectacle of the DNC by Darth B'strad
0 comments

A True B’Strad, Part 2: Leaping into the Fires of Hell and Climbing up the Rope of Trust by Darth B'strad
1 comment

It’s the beer tossing fridge by Darth B'strad
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Theoretical Drinking by Bieren Skidels
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That Burning Cool sensation!

Posted on January 26th, 2009 by Darth B'strad.
Categories: Beer, Orig. Literature, Itelligent Life, Creative Writing, snuff.

So Bieren been taking baths everyday since we moved into this house a little over two years ago, and he claims that he’s been doing so since 12 or something like that. But recently he’s decided to make them much more that just a bathing experience, it’s gotta be therapeutic as well! So what does he do: He orders in pounds of bath salt, cayenne pepper, menthol, and tons of different fragrance oils! (and later he plains on making soap with it, think fight club) So he comes up with some sort of mix that sits him well and takes a bath with it every morning, so this being my day off, I figured I should give it a try. So not knowing what the right mix is, I just started throwing in what I figured would do the trick. I took a cup of that whatever the heck it is salt and dumped that in. Then I didn’t really know how much cayenne pepper would be burning the heck out of me but I figured three scoops of that teaspoon thing he stuck in there would do the trick (I was wondering where that went). Throw in some drops of menthol and some of the other weird oils in there, and presto! I’ve got a bath filled with stuff that’s going to burn the heck out of my skin and feel like ice on my body after I get out! So taking the first steps in I did start to feel burning! I thought the temperature of the water might be a little too much so I dumped in some cold water, but they were still burning! But thous feeties have been giving me crap for the past two weeks so I just thought that they should burn! So then I’ve got to put the rest of my body in, start soaking it all in! Well it wasn’t bad at all, not too hot, but I do have to agree that it was stimulating, especially on my thingy (let’s just say that it was an odd sensation). Although the water level got too high. You know that great invention where they put this little drain hole on the front of the tub so that it doesn’t overfill and spill out? Well it’s a great invention, the only problem is that ours just dumps it though the light socket in our kitchen ceiling rather than the drain. So I had to clean that up! But you just get up out of the water, wash off the last day, and then you get that cool menthol sensation. When all said and done, it’s a good experience! I get out and start sipping a PBR at 1 in the afternoon, sometimes the bachelor life has it’s perks but where out of snuff. Gotta go get that overpriced presidente for the week. But after all that, DP tells me that Bieren wraps up his thingy to keep from that burning sensation! What a wuss! Oh well, I’ve got bible study at the falling rock tonight and I’ll take the bus this time. Invot says he’s keep on making fun of me if I get completely plastered at a bible study! But come on now man! I’ll just get to the good buzzed state of .1 rather than the usual plastered of .25! You gotta have faith man! Oh and on the bolg note: when are we going to change up the look?

4 comments.

Hay! That’s my Church!

Posted on June 27th, 2008 by Darth B'strad.
Categories: Ethics, Beer, Christianity, Economics.

I really like the Budweiser bottle-can getting thrown in there too! Just goes to show how well rounded of sinners we have at our church. At least they didn’t get all the cans of steel reserve that me and Bieren contributed to this. That 8.1% fizzy yellow beer might not look all that good on the news. Then again, we probably contributed that Budweiser can-bottle thing too. Although I don’t remember ever having any of thous things at our house but I figure I should just take the blame for it.

5 comments.

The Spectacle of the DNC

Posted on June 27th, 2008 by Darth B'strad.
Categories: Political, Energy, Environment, Ethics, Beer, Media, Creative Writing, Democrats, Economics.

If you didn’t know already the Democratic National Convention is coming here to Denver in late August and man is it causing trouble here. Here’s what the Wall Street Journal as to say about it:

As the Mile High City gears up to host a Democratic bash for 50,000, organizers are discovering the perils of trying to stage a political spectacle that’s also politically correct.

Consider the fanny packs.

The host committee for the Democratic National Convention wanted 15,000 fanny packs for volunteers. But they had to be made of organic cotton. By unionized labor. In the USA.

Official merchandiser Bob DeMasse scoured the country. His weary conclusion: “That just doesn’t exist.”

That’s always great! We need to come up with something completely new to keep this green.

Ditto for the baseball caps. “We have a union cap or an organic cap,” Mr. DeMasse says. “But we don’t have a union-organic offering.”

Why does it need to be organic anyway? Has anyone asked this in the first place? No! We need to keep this green.

Much of the hand-wringing can be blamed on Denver’s Democratic mayor, John Hickenlooper, who challenged his party and his city to “make this the greenest convention in the history of the planet.”

Thanks Hick! More taxes for me.

Convention organizers hired the first-ever Director of Greening, longtime environmental activist Andrea Robinson. Her response to the mayor’s challenge: “That terrifies me!”

She should be!

After all, the last time Democrats met in Denver — to nominate William Jennings Bryan in 1908 — they dispatched horse-drawn wagons to bring snow from the Rocky Mountains to cool the meeting hall. Ms. Robinson suspected modern-day delegates would prefer air conditioning. So she quickly modified the mayor’s goal: She’d supervise “the most sustainable political convention in modern American history.”

Man they really did some weird stuff back in the day.

Now, she must pull it off.

To test whether celebratory balloons advertised as biodegradable actually will decompose, Ms. Robinson buried samples in a steaming compost heap. She hired an Official Carbon Adviser, who will measure the greenhouse-gas emissions of every placard, every plane trip, every appetizer prepared and every coffee cup tossed. The Democrats hope to pay penance for those emissions by investing in renewable energy projects.

Perhaps Ms. Robinson’s most audacious goal is to reuse, recycle or compost at least 85% of all waste generated during the convention.

And how are they going to do it!

The Trash Brigade

To police the four-day event Aug. 25-28, she’s assembling (via paperless online signup) a trash brigade. Decked out in green shirts, 900 volunteers will hover at waste-disposal stations to make sure delegates put each scrap of trash in the proper bin. Lest a fork slip into the wrong container unnoticed, volunteers will paw through every bag before it is hauled away.

Have 900 people stand around and yell at you “Hay don’t put that there! Put it in that one!” Man that’s has to be really efficient and of course us Coloradans will pay for it. Still wouldn’t it be better just to round up a bunch of bums and have them scour out all the trash and stuff left on the sidewalks so they can go sell it to the recycling plaints? That might save you some money but then again it’s not too pretty. You can’t have that at the DNC.

“That’s the only way to make sure it’s pure,” Ms. Robinson says.

Naturally

Republicans are pushing conservation, too, as they gear up for their convention in Minneapolis-St. Paul. Like the Democrats, they’re cutting down on printing by doing as much work as possible by email; using recycled office furniture; and urging employees to walk or take public transportation to work. The Republicans also encourage vendors to be as environmentally friendly as possible.

everyones gotta’ be green! Well, except me of course.

But Matt Burns, a spokesman for the Republican convention, looks on with undisguised glee at some of the Democrats’ efforts — such as the “lean ‘n’ green” catering guidelines.

This might be just too funny to miss.

Among them: No fried food. And, on the theory that nutritious food is more vibrant, each meal should include “at least three of the following colors: red, green, yellow, blue/purple, and white.” (Garnishes don’t count.) At least 70% of ingredients should be organic or grown locally, to minimize emissions from fuel burned during transportation. “One would think,” says Mr. Burns, “that the Democrats in Denver have bigger fish to bake — they have ruled out frying already — than mandating color-coordinated pretzel platters.”

Why exactly do thous certain colors mean healthy! Can someone explain that to me? Really! Why these colors? Just leave me a comment here.

Democrats say the point is to build habits that will endure long after the convention. To that end, the city has staged “greening workshops” attended by hundreds of caterers, restaurant owners and hotel managers. “It’s the new patriotism,” Mayor Hickenlooper says.

Thanks again Hick!

Laura Hylton, general manager of Biscuits & Berries catering, agrees in principle. But she has been testing her recipes using local ingredients for weeks and still can’t get the green peppercorn sauce right when she uses white Colorado wine. The state’s high-altitude wine industry took off in the early 1990s and produces some award-winning labels, but Ms. Hylton says diplomatically, “It’s a little…lacking. Our wineries out here aren’t what you’d see in California or France.”

OOOh! So our Coloradan wines are not good enough for you! We aren’t California or France! Well Ms. Hylton you should know since your from here that as alcohol goes we’re sort of like Germany. You come to this state for Beer not wine. You should try something special from Great Divide. That will turn out good and that will bing in the great culture of Colorado into this.

Joanne Katz, who runs the Denver caterer Three Tomatoes, will take one for the green team by removing her fried goat-cheese won tons with chipotle pepper caramel sauce from the menu. But she questions whether some of the guidelines will have the desired earth-saving effects.

That’s right! Take one for the team here! Hey wait! I may want some fried goat-cheese won tons. That kind of sounds good right now.

Compostable utensils, she says, are often shipped from Asia on fuel-guzzling cargo ships. As for the plates: “Is it better to drive across town to have china delivered to an event and then use hot water to wash it, or is it better to use petroleum-based disposables?” she asks.

These are really hard decisions. I wouldn’t want her job.

The convention’s greening gurus say they’re doing the best they can with the most current information available.

but of course, and now to the Coors Conflict!

Coors Conflict

But it’s almost inevitable that principles, politics and profit will conflict. To wit: Coors Brewing Co., in Golden, Colo., will donate biofuel made from beer waste to power the convention’s fleet of flex-fuel vehicles. A green star for the convention — but it has rankled die-hard liberals, who boycotted Coors in the 1960s and ’70s to protest hiring practices that they said discriminated against blacks, Latinos, women and gays. Heirs to the Coors fortune have long been active in conservative causes and Republican politics.

See! thous of us in the conservitive movement want you to have a good DNC in our city. We’re compassionate! But will you take it?

Convention officials say Coors is a good corporate citizen. And a Coors spokeswoman says the donation was a gesture of civic pride, not politics.

No matter, grumbles Anna Flynn, a longtime union member from Denver who objected to the donation. “Any way you put it, it’s still Coors,” she says.

Hell NO!

Chris Lopez, a spokesman for the host committee, says that securing a diverse group of sponsors is as much about showcasing the regional economy as promoting sustainability. He added that Democrats are nudging sponsors to “think green” by participating in an eco-festival and cutting back on paper fliers stuffed into delegate goody bags.

Please don’t start bringing up body bags!

Watching the greening frenzy from afar, Fred L. Smith Jr., president of the libertarian Washington think tank Competitive Enterprise Institute, suggested the Democrats could really shrink their footprint by staging a virtual-reality convention: “Just have everyone stay at home with their laptops, sitting in their pajamas, interacting through their avatars.”

Yea, don’t start causing trouble downtown, do it online! Sounds good to me.

Ms. Robinson, the greening director, says big showy conventions are part of the American political tradition, and thus worth a few emissions here and there. Also, she hates to be a killjoy.

Wait a minute. She’s a liberal! Isn’t that her job?

True,

See!

she did try (unsuccessfully) to get bottled water banned from the convention hall. But remember those balloons? She checked the compost heap last week — and found them still intact. She has added more liquid to try to get them to degrade.

Well that’s great. The balloons don’t work right.

And if they don’t? “The balloons will be there,” she promises.

So we’ll spend a lot more on that balloons that are supposed to degrade anyway! Even though they really don’t work. I can hear my wallet shrinking now.

So will the fanny packs — made in the USA of undyed, organic fabric. Mr. DeMasse vows to get a union shop to print the logo, but he says the ink will be petroleum based. Unless, that is, he decides to get the logo embroidered — with biodegradable thread.

That’s great. I was thinking of just sitting this one out due to the recreate 68′ group from the good ol’ People’s Republic of Boulder, promising to start riots in downtown during the convention. But after reading the sort of spectacle the Dems have waiting for us downtown, I’m now start to think that this will just be too good to miss or rather to funny to miss. Besides with Hillary being snuffed out of the race and Obama “assured” to win this it probably won’t be bad at all. Besides they’re just leftys from Boulder! They wouldn’t know how to riot if they had to. And if things get a little out of hand I just start hanging out with the conservatives over by Dennis Prager and Hugh Hewitt. They’ll have some guns there and I’m sure they’ll defend one of their own. Although I might still want to bring my knife with me, just in case. But just keep that between you and me here I don’t want to get in trouble with any of the cops. Wink,Wink.

0 comments.

A True B’Strad, Part 2: Leaping into the Fires of Hell and Climbing up the Rope of Trust

Posted on April 30th, 2008 by Darth B'strad.
Categories: Beer, Philosophy, Christianity.

We all spend our time in hell. Some stupid act that has a destructive effect on our lives or even something that we are not even responsible for but none the less still bares it’s scars on us. Many people scoff and laugh at the idea that there is a hell. Some lake of burning fire where there is no water and you just sit there in it and are burned constantly without dieing. That dose sound a little ridiculous and even unconceivable. However I think that is the point, it may be entirely a metaphor for something; something that is far worse. There may be a realistic lake of fire just as the Bible depicts it or there may not I don’t know that but I do know there is a hell. I know that for a fact because I have spent a short time there. When the bible depicts the weeping and nashing of teeth it is not joking. It’s a horrible fate beyond all reckoning and it’s something that is not to be taken lightly. It is your demons desire that you spend as much time there as possible and especially with him there for all of eternity.

I’m an outgoing person. I love music and dancing. It’s a lot of fun and you get to meet new people and learn interesting things about them. Even the dance itself can tell you many things about that person that you would not know through just talking to them. If they are really shy of speaking a dance with them can really get them to open up to you and tell you things that you otherwise not know about them. A dance can tell you how comfortable they are with you and them selfs. In a certain sense it’s almost like sexual intercourse but yet it can not be anything like that at all. It communicates much more than sex because who you are comes out in the dance. Emotions, desires, confidence or the lack of these things all come out in the dance. I am very much pro dancing before dating because you then know more about that person than if you even had sex with them and you even find out much more about yourself. And here is the great part, you don’t even have to break any of God’s laws to do it and just like sex it just gets better the more you do it (at least that what I am told I’m actually still a virgin). However you still must be guarded what you do with the dance because that still holds the power to send you to hell. That’s why I spent my short time in hell.

It was a Friday night just last year and I had some great plans for it. Aaron and Runeor had planed to that we would all meet up somewhere downtown and party. So since I had planed on drinking later I took the bus down to downtown but before I was to meet up with them I wanted to go dancing at the turnverin before hand so I walked over there. When I got there I met up with a few of my friends there, two girls that I had met there on prevous nights. One was 17 and red headed and the other was 16 and was white but she had slanted eyes. I also found that they had an open bar that night and was really pleased to find some good selections of interesting beers. I had to go up and get one and these were tall ones and over 9% so finishing one was like 3 Budweisers in alcohol content. Now you can see where this night is going, underage girls and good beer and not only that but I decide to hang mostly around the 16 year old for the night, the one that could send me to jail if we went too far. My hell was being prepared for me.

We spent a couple of hours at the turn, (as we call the Denver turnverin) drinking some of those good beers and dancing with some girls but mostly with the 16 year old. That girl we called Turkmenistan girl but I learned that she didn’t like people thinking that she was Asian so me and Aaron started referring to her as the girl that we formally called Turkmenistan girl. I don’t know why she doesn’t like the slanted eyes I thought they were cute but she was really upset when I mentioned it. But I still had a fun night there and after awhile the red head wanted to go out to the drive-ins with her boyfriend of the time and another one of their friends. Sounded like a good plan to me but I wanted some more beer so I got her to agree to take me to argonaut’s and mind you I have already had two of thous beers at the turn and was starting on my third. We all pile into the red head’s car and stop off at argonaut’s and they let me out. But I just remembered I’m still holding the third beer from the turn so I just set it down on the side of the building and walk past the cops into argonaut’s. I grab a Stone Epic, an Arrogant Bastard Ale, a Chimay dubbel, A Yeti Imperial stout, and a six pack of Breckenridge’s Vanilla Porter and if you know anything of micro brews you’ll know that these are big beers and with the exception of the six pack they were all bombers. I walk out of there with a big box of beer and see that my third beer from the turn was still siting next to the building so I pick that up and start to drink it again. I got back in the car and we moved on to the drive-ins still unaware of the hell that awaited me.

We made it there half way through transformers and got in despite the sign saying no alcoholic drinks allowed. Of course I plaided for it but we were just relaxing but I was not paying too much attention to movie but rater that 16 year old that was sitting next to me. I gave the red head’s boyfriend the Yeti while I started in on the Chimay and at this point I have had the equivalent to about 10 Budweisers and I am still drinking. The 16 year old put her head on my shoulder so I went ahead and my arm around her but as I did it I was thinking “man I better try to keep this girl under control here, I don’t want to get in trouble.” In retrospect I guess that was a little bit ridiculous considering that I was the one drunk and she wasn’t but when she later told me that I was hitting on her that night, I thought that was crazy but maybe I was. I don’t quite remember how the conversation went but I do remember her constantly reminding me that I was drunk and I kept on wanting to get off that subject and move on to something else, anything other than my drunken state. After the movie we decided to go get something to eat but first the red head wanted my phone to call up Aaron and ask him what to do with me. He just told her to drop me off at union station. So then we headed to the breakfast king got some good grub and they actually dropped me off at Market Street Station.

I got out and gave the 16 year old a hug and told her I would call her like she asked and then I headed down into Market Street Station still carrying the box with empty bottles of beer and I still had the six pack and Arrogant Bastard Ale with me as well as the Stone Epic. I deiced it would be a good idea to throw away the empty bottles with the box but in the process I dropped the Stone Epic and shattered that all over the ground so I quickly tried to clean that up (and I didn’t do a very good job of it). After that I thought it would be a good idea to drink the Arrogant Bastard Ale while I waited for the bus, seemed to fit right, I was being an arrogant bastard at the moment. The security guard came up to me and told me that he didn’t think they would let me on with the beer so I started trying to hurry through the Arrogant Bastard Ale. When it got time to get on the bus the guard told me he wouldn’t let me on with the beer so I went ahead and through away the Arrogant Bastard Ale and set down the six pack thinking some bum is going to have himself a good night but the guard still wouldn’t let me on. So I had to pick up the six pack and walk out of market street station and he followed me and told be to stay off the premises so I had to walk on the street. I was walking in downtown Denver at 3 in the morning with no ride back home. So while I was trying to figure out what to do I opened a Vanilla Porter and kept walking north on market when I walked past some cops.

The Cop stopped me and asked me if that beer was open. I Just said “yes, sir.” He immediately took the bottle out of my hand and poured it out on the ground and then snatched up the rest of the six pack and then he forcefully asked me if I wanted to go to jail. I just said “no, sir.” Then he just told me to get out of here and I just responded with another “yes, sir,” still disappointed that he took my beer. As I started to walk again a female cop passed me saying “you are lucky that he didn’t take you to jail.” Still not knowing what to do I called up Aaron told that the cops took my beer while he was at Tiffany’s place trying to sleep. I told him that I was just going to walk home but he was instant that I shouldn’t do that. He told me to wait at Union for the next bus. That bus didn’t come till 6 in the morning but I thought that if I hurried I might make the last one for the night. Of course I didn’t, so instead I remembered that there was a park near Union that I could sleep it off because usually there was no one there at night. There is a little hill in the park with a dip down in the canter of it so that you could lay down in it and no one could see you there. So I laid down there and tried to sleep a little before getting on the bus. However I didn’t sleep at all there because my hell was there waiting to torment me.

The grass was freshly watered and cold with the wind blowing and right then I could feel my soul slip right out of me. I didn’t literally die that night but it felt like I just had. The pain of it all is indescribable in how vast it is. It’s like your entire identity is gone and all that is left is pain and sorrow. There’s no joy there, no happiness, just cold dead pain. All you can do is weep and I was unable to move form there. I just kept on crying out to God to save me from this and stop the pain that was unbearable. But all the while when I was there God’s presence was there too. I couldn’t see him but I did feel him there and I knew that this would come to an end. After what seemed like years in hell God finally filled me back up with his holy spirit and I became content but he first gave me a commandment for me to follow. I couldn’t have known then but the commandment was for me to help me to learn how to trust God with all that I do. His commandment to me was for me to love that 16 year old. After that night I got to know her well and I did love her but it wasn’t the kind of love that we usually think of, it’s the kind of love that God has for us. I am just a human and I couldn’t do it perfectly but I praise God that he kept me from messing up with her because that’s something that could have destroyed me.

That 16 year old really is a wonderful young woman but she still has her problems and it’s the same problem that we all have: lack of trust in God. She is the most personable Woman that I have ever met in my life and with that she can do many great things. She knows her own problems and that is something rare in a person and not only that but she can see it in others. She can accomplish many great things if she will learn to trust in God. But our demon finds his way to our weakest spot and uses it to try to keep us from the rope of trust. If we can make to our rope we can climb up it and out of our hell and see the landscape that is our life. It’s hard to get there because we all have a demon trying to block us and pull us down from the rope once we get there. However God does provide a rope of trust for all of us and we can choose to climb it. The funny thing of it all is once we do climb it we realize that it was all God that found us and lead us to the rope and he is the one that helped us climb it and gave us rests when we needed it. God is the only reason that I was able to find it and he also was the one to point out the important rocks and ridges of my life that were important. I pray that you will also find your rope of trust and choose the climb it because in this life that’s all that matters and that’s all that we need and I also pray that God will bring people into your life to help you find it.

1 comment.

It’s the beer tossing fridge

Posted on March 9th, 2007 by Darth B'strad.
Categories: Beer.

Ahhhhhhhhh, good to know that all of that collage education is being put to such good use. Now after graduation John Cornwell wanted his college days back so he built a beer can tossing fridge.

With a click of the remote, fashioned from a car’s keyless entry device, a small elevator inside the refrigerator lifts a beer can through a hole and loads it into the fridge’s catapult arm. A second click fires the device, tossing the beer up to 20 feet – “far enough to get to the couch,” he said.

Is there a foam explosion when the can is opened? Not if the recipient uses “soft hands” to cradle the can when caught, Cornwell said.

I wonder if he is going to start manufacturing it now.

0 comments.

Theoretical Drinking

Posted on January 2nd, 2007 by Bieren Skidels.
Categories: Beer, Itelligent Life.

A Drinking Algorithm.

Given a set of planned drinks, known a priori, D = d_1, …, d_n, with associated cost function c(d_i). We also define m as the alcohol metabolic rate for a particular drinker, note that cost incurred to drinker is dependent on c(d_i), as well as m. We define h = |D|, along with the following quantities, which are dependent upon the drink-choosing mechanism:

p_i: the probability that drink di is chosen;
c_i: expected BAC cost of drink di to drinker;
g_i: expected net pleasure for drinker consuming d_i.

With probability pi the drinker will drink di. The drinker’s expected utility gain (or net change), is the utility value ui minus the expected BAC cost c(di),i.e. gi = pi(ui − c(di))
Likewise, BAC is increased BAC + c(di) when drinking and conversely reduced BAC − m  wait when waiting. The following shows that in a controlled drinking environment, probabilities of increasing net utility are inverse monotone functions of drink-cost values.

Algorithm:
initialize g_i = 0, BAC = 0
while some d in D is not yet drunk, do:
{

drink d_i, augment g_i and increase BAC
wait for (BAC − log h) / m time, then decrease BAC

}

Proof. The reasoning for using log h and not simply h, is to allow for a more gradual consumption, since the magnitude of drinking intervals will depend on the difference BAC −x. At the end of any interval t, the drinker’s BACt is, with BAC_0 = 0:

BAC_t = SUM(i = {1,…,t}) (c(d_i) − m * ((BAC_(i−1) − log h)/m)

If one amortizes this value, it is obvious that this algorithm gives a guarantee that drinker’s BAC returns to O(log h), between wait intervals. The value log h is more commonly known as “a buzz” in relation to your global drinking goal, and therefore the algorithm is simply a formalized version of maintaining your buzz. QED

1 comment.