Men don’t want to talk about it, Women don’t want to hear it

Posted on August 30th, 2007 by Darth B'strad.
Categories: Uncategorized.

That’s most likely going to be the title of Dennis Prager’s next book (hey maybe I could copyright it and make him pay me a percentage). Well this is a subject that only applies to both men and women so this might apply to somebody out there! The subject is male sexuality (hence the title of the post) this is a subject that is filled with land mines that have continued to fill in over centuries. So to prove how stupid I am I going to preempt Dennis Prager’s book and take a trek into the minefield and we will just see if I can make it through. Now this post is not about morals although they are important but that is not the focus of this post but the focus is on clarity here. So I will start of by giveing you two very big admissions of mine, one that I am very proud of and one that I am very ashamed of. The First one that I am proud to admit is that I am still a virgin and I pray to God that he will help me to stay that why until the day that I get married. The other that I am ashamed to admit is that I have become addicted to pornography and I pray that God helps me to kick that addiction out of my life. Now I am sure there are other men out there that do not want to admit this but I know that I am not the only one but we men must face up to this. Now there are plenty of issues surrounding this so I will talk about what women need to know about this and then what men need to know.

What Women need to know
Male sexual nature is variety oriented. If this is not true then all a guy would need is one playboy mag and that would be all he would need throughout his life. Or just one woman that he loved could do it for him so that he would want any more. But that is not the case here! Not only that but male sexuality is visual. that’s why porn has a powerful affect on men because for guys seeing is what excites us. We also have the convenient ability to compartmentalize our thoughts especially in this arena so as to allow us to not think about anything else while we are “looking.” However this does work both ways and allows us to forget that woman that we were “looking” at as soon as she leaves. Even for gay men this is true because even they get gay pron mags. So when you catch your man “looking” it is because of his visual nature that he “looks.” But setting the morals aside here for a moment wouldn’t it be more valuable to you If your man stayed magnanimous even though he has temptations or would you prefer that he has no temptations? Well the latter question is not the case here a man will be tempted beyond anything that you can image. It is a wonder that guys even stay magnanimous (we really are more like animals) to one woman so when you find them remember that he is fighting a daily battle (well more like every hour) with his nature. It’s hard but guy can and should control it.

What Men need to know
We’re all in the same boat here guys and the thing we need to realize about our selfs is that we can not satisfy our sexual nature. Say that you do have sex with a million women do you really think that right after that that you would not start looking for woman number million and one. We will never be able to have enough. That’s the fact here and if you keep on going to sleep around with as many women as possible then you are not going to be able to value a woman as a human being. We must exercise self control and that means battling the lower parts of our nature. However on the other hand we can not run away from it! We can not deny that we have this lower nature to us and at times we do need to release it at the appropriate time. That is why I say that you should go and have an affair with your wife. I want to be a man not a little boy. Thus I think that in my own life I want to find a woman that I can marry and go and have amazing sex with her. Thankfully I have been able to stay that way. Being magnanimous is not as bad as it sounds because then you can be with a woman that you can love and take care of. However thous lower parts will always be there and you must fight them. we’re all in the same boat here but we can help each other out. It’s a hard balancing act but if we can achieve it and you can achieve much more happiness if you can do it.

Emotions
A lot of people say that love at first sight is all BS. I actually don’t believe that! But it certainly helps your belief in such things when it happens to you. Actually in my case it was more like love a first dance. I also didn’t get a good look at her until I actually started dancing with her. Immediately as I was dancing with her that very first time I found that she was very special and that there was something different about this woman that I liked. However as soon as I met her though I decided that I would put her needs and wants ahead of what I needed and wanted. So I decided that If I can be her man then I would do anything I could to help make her happy but if I couldn’t then I would be damned if I would be the guy that stood in the way of that. As it so happens it never really got started to begin with. So now I was left with nothing but feelings. Point being is that you can not help who you love but you can decide to act on them or to not act on them. As for the pain, well all I can say is such is life. And as for her I have no regrets and we are still at least good friends.

God’s Role
The longer that I live the more I start to realize that God really does have a very sick sense of humor! Here I am, I am just about the most emotionally inept males on the planet or at lest close to it. But yet God brings into my life an absolutely wonderful woman who is full of emotion. I will not go over her problems here and if you get the sudden inclination to ask then I will not honor your request with a response. I will leave it suffice to say that she has been doing somethings to herself that actually hurt me. Not knowing what to do I spent the entire night at work stressing over it. Not that I was angry I just had no Idea what to do about it. So I decided to bury myself in work to try not to think about it. I was actually happy to find out that I had a brake job to do that night so that somewhat helped me to keep my mind off things for a bit. However it still did not work too well. I was barely able to hold myself together that night. So I got the brake job done and then I had to go test my work with my life. Luck for me, (depending on how you look at it of course) it turns out I did a good job because I am still alive right now but I will let your imagination come up with the results if the brakes did not work. Now me and God have a sort of stupid apprentice making dumb remarks to the master type of relationship (I don’t think that God treats everyone in this fashion but it is certainty helpful for me). While I was driving home that morning I finally asked God what I should do. And God nicely came down to me and slapped me across the face and said “give her to me you idiot!” Completely dumb founded by Gods response all I could say to that was “ok.” Immediately I could feel all of the pain and suffering lift off of me and I felt freed at last. Now if only I had done this sooner I could have avoided a lot of suffering! Now did that really solve anything? Well in reality no! But by giving all of that to God and by trusting him I was able to move on with complete assurance that he has a plan for my life and that he can guide me in the right path. Gods ways are hard and they do not always turn out the way that we would expect or as quickly as we want but he will come through for us! So the best advice that I can give to you men out there (and women for that matter) is to give her (or him) to God. Allow God to control your relationships and you will find that he will not let you down!

The Max Tucker Syndrome
Now as it just so happens that Bieren started to really fight me on this issue by using Max Tucker as an example. For you that do not know Max Tucker is a blogger that blogs about his life and the many women that he has had sex with. He starts out his book by saying this:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.

I do find some of his stories hilarious but I think that they are distasteful and I know that he is destroying peoples lives. Now I am still going to stay away from making moral judgments here (and this is still not a judgment but an assessment on his values and character) but I think that he is an indecent human being. I say that because he has the one biggest value of the indecent that is victimhood. He sees himself as a victim to the oppression of women and thus he thinks that it is alright to act like an “asshole” and and sex with as many women that he possibly can with no regard to how it affects the people that come into his life. It’s not a healthy lifestyle. In order to be more clear on this I will give you several reasons on why this will not allow you to achieve more happiness.

1. You will be more happy in your life because you are exercising self control and not chasing after excitement that makes you unhappy.

2. You will gain grater ability to share an intimate relationship with your spouse.

3. You will be able to avoid straining your relationships with your family and friends.

4. You will have more self respect and respect for others.

5. You will be able to experience the joy of taking care of a spouse and a family.

6. You will be able to mature in life and in wisdom.

7. You will have a close to zero chance of contracting an STD.

8. You will be more prepared to raise children and to set for them a good example.

9. You will gain a closer relationship to God by following his word.

10. You may potentially gain more respect from your peers (of course this depends on who your peers are).

11. The knowledge that your spouse is the only one for you.

Now if you do not care about any of these things then we have an irreconcilable difference that I suspect that is present between me and Max Tucker. Now do not get me wrong I do not think that Max Tucker is an evil man but I do think that he is damaging further women that already have emotional problems and taking advantage of that. This sends them down an even more destructive path and causes more pain and grief. Max Tucker is the perfect example of a man for women to avoid. He is not likely to change and in order for him to change he needs to ether have a life changing experience or a divine intervention. As a Christian I will pray that he does receive this as I have also had many life changing experiences and divine interventions. The thing I have come to realize is that such a life style is meaningless. What really is accomplished by just livening your life going from partner to partner. You are not going to experience the joys in life because you are wrapped up in sex. Believe it or not I have had the same experience. While I have never had sex I have (as I had admitted before in my post) that I have become addicted to pron. When I first got started into this I felt like a wretched person and disgusting. Who would ever love such a person like me? I became jaded from God and for a good seven years I refused to talk to him. I would not pray or even acknowledge his presence. For at least seven years I have continued this. I was not happy and I kept everything to myself. Bieren was my only friend during that time and I was very much alone during that time in my life. As I reflect on that time in my life I see now that I have wasted that time. I was consumed with myself to the point that nothing else mattered. However God is loving and forgiving and despite the fact that I have shunned him he did not do the same to me. God had welcomed me back to him just like the prodigal son just as soon as I had come back. The fact that I have become happy is much more of a recent development but even more than that the thing that surprised me the most is that I have become outgoing. During that time I would never have imagined that I could ever bring myself to write about this but now I have. This I know for a fact; if we can let go of our fears and trust in God and stop pursuing excitement and start to think about others then we will become more happy in our lives. If it was true for me then I know that it will be true for you too!